You are more than capable: What I would tell myself as I struggle with self-confidence
Updated: Feb 8
We all want to be confident. We all aspire to wake up and feel good about ourselves. But what happens during the times when we don’t feel so confident, when we feel like we’re not doing so well, when self-doubt kicks in and we’re worried about never amounting to anything? What happens then?
Recently I’ve been feeling a little down, with doubts and worries flooding through my mind. I’ve been having an internal struggle with myself, trying to fight (or ignore) all the doubts about myself and the situation around me. Trying to “stay positive” and “believe in myself”.
They’re all easier said than done. That’s why when I became aware of my current situation, of how I’ve been feeling and how it’s negatively impacting me, I went on trying to find the “best self-help book for self-esteem”. But the problem is, I’m a picky reader. I look for books that would resonate the most with what I’m feeling and my current situation.
Of course, as one would expect, I couldn’t find the “exact” book I’m looking for. This led me to a realisation: I know what I want and need to hear, I just need to hear it from someone else. But because I can’t possibly find the “perfect” book with all the right words, I’ve decided to write them myself and what I would want to hear from someone else. Here’s what I would tell myself:
You are capable, and you are strong. You know this, deep down, you know that you are powerful. You doubt yourself because you try to be humble. You try to convince yourself that you’re not good enough, or that your emotions are too strong and you can’t control them. You try to believe that you are not in control, and therefore what’s even the point in trying.
You give in to your emotions of feeling down and defeated because it’s easier to believe that you can’t do anything about it. But your mind is programmed to desire comfort. Your mind doesn’t like to be challenged, so it’s easier to have self-doubts and believe them to be true.
You need to remember, though, that you are stronger than you think you are. You are more capable than what your mind tries to tell you. As a matter of fact, you are in control. You’ve always been in control, you just led yourself to believe you weren’t.
You have big dreams and a burning desire to chase them. It’s only your fears that’s making you doubt yourself. But instead of trying to hide from your fear, embrace it. The fact that you’re scared means it’s really important for you, so instead of letting your fears dictate what you are and aren’t capable of, let it guide you.
Start asking yourself, “What am I really afraid of?”, and go on and face it. You’re afraid of failure, of being judged, or what people would say? You’re afraid of wasting your time and energy into something that might not turn out great? You’re afraid of trying new things because they might not be “right” for you?
Or maybe you’re afraid of rejection? Of other people thinking you’re not good enough? So you must think you’re also not good enough? Whatever it is, figure out what you’re afraid of, and face it right in the face. Ask yourself, “what’s the worse that could happen?”
Remind yourself of all the times you have been successful, when you exceeded your expectations of yourself, when you were able to do something you didn’t think you could do. Remember what that experience was like. You doubted yourself, but you did it anyway, and you did it well.
You have to remind yourself of all the things you are capable of. Think about all the skills you have. Even if you think you don’t have any, I can GUARANTEE you that you have at least one skill that you’re better at than another person. Whatever it is, no matter how big or small, remind yourself of all your good traits and what you’re capable of.
Most of all, remind yourself that you have a good heart. You have a kind heart. You want to do good and be good for others. And the fact that you want that already makes you better than most people around you.
It’s easy to forget who we are and what we’re capable of. It’s easy to let negative thinking fill our minds with self-doubt and worries. So rather than taking the easy path, challenge yourself and try to remember all the good things you’ve done, and all the challenges you’ve faced in the past that you managed to overcome. Use those experiences to inspire you, guide you, and motivate you to do even better.
Every single person on this planet at some point in their lives have thought they weren’t good enough, or skilled enough, or knowledgeable enough. Everyone has felt at some point in their lives that they are not in control. Sometimes, the best thing to do is to just let those days pass. Let those negative thinking and self-doubts pass. Because soon you’ll realise, they’re all a natural reaction to life that everyone goes through. You yourself have gone through them countless times, and yet each time you manage to come out the other side.
Each experience you have, each challenge you face, regardless of whether you think you’re able to pass through them, will teach you something valuable. You will learn about yourself, and others. Even if you fail, you will have the knowledge and experience to take with you. And everything you learn from your experiences will only help you get one step closer to where you need to be. To finding the right path for you. To finding your voice. But most of all, to finding peace.
Your best companion is yourself, so learn to appreciate it, acknowledge it, love it, accept it, and believe in it. No one else will do it better for you than yourself.