What I learned about adult friendships (spoiler alert: they’re kinda weird!)
Updated: Feb 8
Yesterday I got an unexpected phone call from a friend who I haven’t seen in months.
It was early in the morning and I’ve just recently woken up.
“I have 2x concert tickets to Kings of Leon, 2x nights of paid accomodation in Auckland (New Zealand), money set aside for sightseeing and activities, and a SICK boyfriend! Did you want to join me instead? I’m leaving in 10 minutes!”
It was an early morning surprise indeed!
“Yes let’s do it! I’m down!”
I had 5 hours to pack and prepare as she headed her way from Palmerston North to my place (5 hours of driving). From my place, it took us another hour to drive to Auckland City.
Now here I am, sitting in the lounge of the place we’re staying at 7 o’clock in the morning, drinking my morning coffee. And I thought to myself “I wish I brought my journal with me.”
But who needs a journal when you got a website?!
As I sit and do my typical morning routine (meditate, read, drink coffee), I wanted to reflect on my recent experience and express my gratitude.
How lucky am I to live in one of the best countries in the world (in my opinion), and to have met a few good people along the way who turned into great friends!
Ever since I started studying full-time and online, there have been more days where I felt lonely and isolated. And loneliness + isolation = negative thoughts.
When my partner would sometimes go and tell me he’s going out to spend time with his university friends, I would sit and wonder: “I wish I had friends like his…friends I could just regularly spend time and interact with…”
As I grew older, my social life has been less and less active. I’m no longer the 21-year-old I once was who had a big circle of “friends” to go drinking with every weekend.
As I grew older, I realised that some of those “friends” were not really my friends. They were people who shared the same interests as me (partying and drinking), but that was all to it.
For the few that I connected with, sadly we all moved away to different cities and are now living different lives.
I found that it got harder and harder to keep in touch. As adults, we get so busy with our lives and would go for months without talking to some of the people we used to talk to regularly.
From seeing each other every weekend, to catching up once every few months, to greeting each other “Happy Birthday!” once a year, to not talking to each other at all.
I’m also guilty of failing to check in and message people. And this often led to dying friendships.
But, lucky for me, there are some people who stayed. Some people who I would go months or sometimes years without talking to, but every time there is an opportunity to catch up and see each other, we know we could count on each to be there.
And they are the people that I know will be and are my friends for life. And I’m lucky and grateful to have such people in my life.
So yes, adult friendships are weird. I learned that if you want someone to stay and be part of your life, sometimes you have to put in the effort to keep the connection alive. But sometimes, if you’re lucky, there will be some friends who turn into family, and with family, you could go months or years without seeing or talking to each other, but you’ll always be family.