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  • Writer's pictureJuls Ortega

I almost regret loving you

I almost regret loving you. I told myself that maybe I loved you too much. Maybe I gave too much. Maybe I poured too much to the point that it pushed you away. And maybe, maybe I did.

And I almost regretted it. Every action. Every risk. Every sacrifice. Every love that I gave you.

I told myself that maybe I was too much and that I loved too much. That maybe that was wrong. That maybe you should never love someone so much to the point of losing yourself.

But then, someone told me something that made me question all my fears and regrets and desire to protect myself.

"There is beauty in losing yourself."

And this person was right. There is beauty in losing yourself. To someone. To something.

There is beauty in loving someone other than yourself and in wanting to give and share them your world. There is beauty in being brave enough to love someone so deeply and strongly regardless of the pain and hurt that may come with it.

There is beauty in living a life of loving freely and openly, and of having the strength and courage to allow yourself to love and be loved. There is beauty in knowing that you might get hurt, but that you'll be okay and you'll heal and you can love and love again. Because isn't that what life is all about?

And so, I stopped. I stopped telling myself that I was wrong to love you. Or that it was too much, or not enough. Maybe it was even the best thing that I did. Because it taught me one of the best things I learnt about myself - that I am capable of so much love. And that is beautiful.

Maybe I was only meant to love you for a season but not for a lifetime. And maybe one day, the right person will come along at the right time, and I'll be ready to love them, and some more. And for the right person, it won't be too much or not enough. It will be just right.

But as we go through this new season on our own, I carry with me all the love that I have and I cherish and embrace it. And while it won't be given so easily to just anyone, I open myself to those who want and deserve it.

So no, I don't regret loving you.

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